I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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