and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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