I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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