I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
