i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
