she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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