I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
