Dual....:-)
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
