they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
