u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
