scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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