Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
