well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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