all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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