no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
