We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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