I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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