I am in a vortex of obligation.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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