Kareoke will never be a sober sport
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
