Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
