i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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