party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
