I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
