9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
