I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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