He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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