You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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