If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
