I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
