If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
