yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You are a genius and a whore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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