It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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