things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
