Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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