I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
