On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
