I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
