the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
