im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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