He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
