The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
