"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
