I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
