There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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