Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
