Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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