i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize