meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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