i just had sex bonerless
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
