Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
