September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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