If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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