He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He shit in the fireplace
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