The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Are we still banned from the library?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
