i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
