i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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