Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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