somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
