Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
