it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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