Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
