the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
