if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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