do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
