$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
