Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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