you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
